Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
