There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
