You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
