my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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