I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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