my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
