I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
