Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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