i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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