college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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