I seem to have left my pride at pride
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
