Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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