Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
