I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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