Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
