How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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