The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
