I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
