This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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