Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
