remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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