she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
