It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
