i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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