i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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