life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
