Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
