my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
