I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
