You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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