How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
