on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
