hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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