fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
