I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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