tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
