You really coming over, don't trick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
