Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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