And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
