Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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