good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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