Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
