Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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