Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
