im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
jump out the window naked night went bad
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
