Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
