Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
