I'd wear matching sweaters with you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
