i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
