My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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