WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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