if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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