just tell him i said nine months
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
