He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
