Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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