Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
