I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
