evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
