I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
