She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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